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14,621

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 1:15pm

but yes I am narcissistic but it stops at the point when it comes to friends... I always feel unappreciated or feel like I am nothing to them and put them above me because they are worth so much more than me... or really... they mean so much more to me than anything, sorta like they are the only reason why I am living... and if I lose them I lose myself altogether...

When I was younger I never really had a social life as a young kid... I never really had any outside friends as in when I was a child from 0-4 I was kept inside and I never went to pre school because I was babied I did not want to leave my mum and I never really knew anyone of a similar age to me outside... But as I grew up all I wanted was to feel appreciated by the ones I cared about and I did try my best at that :) it was all to do with the fact of my younger background where I would ask for help and never receive but then when it was them who asked for help they shall receive... but for me I never got the help I wanted and so I backed away and sorted MY problems myself... but when I made friends at Primary I helped them as much as I could because I did not want them to feel as if they were alone, that they had no one to ask for help. They always had me, everyone had me to go to for help... but no one really helped me when I needed it, no one really wanted to hang out with me less we were at school and no one really appreciated me for who I was till later on in the years, cause I was a strange person... but there were a few people who really meant something to me but they all left me in the end.

skipping to college since Secondary was similar just a bit different because I had closed myself up then and did not really speak to people about myself... In college I was myself and everyone there loved me for who I was, the first time I actually felt appreciated by everyone I was just the ALWAYS me but I felt appreciated... it never meant I was... although I could see it and stuff I always put myself below all my friends because I don't mean anything to them, I helped them and in a variety of cases got it thrown back in my face when I did ask for help... I only asked for help because I did not know what to do and it was making me worse... and they left me and didn't bother and so I felt 10x as worse for all the times I helped them and they could not do the basic thing as to talk to me after all the stuff I helped them through. I do think negatively about a lot of stuff but it is what separates me from everyone, it is what makes them better than me, I don't want them to feel like me and so I help them out of their situations whereas I can't I have partially isolated myself from everyone while still being a part of it, I do let on and stuff but if I got a problem... there is a limited few who will know of it.

14,622

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 6:13pm

stamina stamina

sharpe12

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14,623

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 6:22pm

No one has the stamina to read that.
Heathen

This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "sharpe12" (Aug 17th 2014, 6:23pm)


14,624

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 6:26pm

I do :D You would be amazed at the message I sent of a conversation to my friend :D

and this is not all of it :D The conversation went on for 3 days starting last week :) I screen captured it from my phone and put it all together to send to my friend :) but yeah... it was a much bigger conversation than that XD

This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "shadowed knight" (Aug 17th 2014, 6:26pm)


sharpe12

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14,625

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 6:57pm

I don't think I ever had a conversation by text longer than 40 words in total between us.
Heathen

14,626

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 7:04pm

yeah the conversation was a makeup conversation :( Me and her fell out and so she wanted to speak to me to make sure everything was ok between us two... she said she really wanted to speak to me and stuff but sometimes I feel as if it is not true and stuff and sometimes I really feel she means it... but I sort of not bothered about it... but she said she wanted to hang out with me... I didn't, she said we should make a party... we haven't and she said she would speak to me... she hasn't but I think I should speak to her but I can't because of the whole fact of me feeling below everyone I don't want to randomly message her... cause she is 100% better off without me despite she says all this stuff... but I just can't bring myself to start a conversation with her because I feel she does not want to have a conversation with me... else she would speak to me... but I tell EVERYONE that I am always in the mood for a conversation and judging by the length of my messages I am sure they can tell... and how quick I am to reply and such :D

sharpe12

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14,627

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 8:31pm

I think shadowed is a girl
Heathen

14,628

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 9:09pm

cause I like talking? or because I hang around with a lot of girls? Or chat to a lot of girls? :D I am 100% male :P I just like to talk and always put my friends before me and stuff and that... right now I am busy so it is kinda difficult but I am trying my hardest to fit them in and my work as my work is actually still for my friends :D work... so yeah... not for me unless you relate it to money being for me but then money actually comes in for the company to pay for me... so it is a cycle... I help them to help me to help them :)

sharpe12

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14,629

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 9:12pm

Because you talk all the time.
Heathen

14,630

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 9:19pm

yep :) I just like to talk... especially because of the fact I did not really have much of a social life when I was younger and so I like to talk because they mean so much to me :) But yeah I like them :) and a few I like a lot more than others ;) but the big convo I showed you... well... I wanted to sort things out and we did... but before it happened I was going to send her a massive message explaining how I was and everything and why stuff happened and how much she meant... but she got to me before I got to her and we still spoke about everything... I just never sent her the message although she said she would like me to... but I want to have a party with her, get drunk and then speak to her properly... yes, get drunk and speak to her PROPERLY XD I know when I am drunk I open up and become emotional about things and I put everything into it... I made quite a few people sad for what I said to them... One of my friends was sad by the fact she thought I was ok and all the times I was sad and wanted to tell her I never went to her and told her... she said she would have helped me :( another said he never suspected it :(

sorry I got a bit lost and the last bit with him did not happen XD He just felt bad I don't know why I put that XD

This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "shadowed knight" (Aug 17th 2014, 9:20pm)


sharpe12

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14,631

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 9:24pm

Yatter yatter yatter.
Heathen

14,632

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 9:25pm

see :D but you think those posts are bad... well in fact you have not seen anything XD Oh actually you have in PM XD but that is not as worse as what I have typed :)

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14,633

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 9:48pm

;)
Heathen

14,634

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 10:21pm

indeed... I would like to show you a post and to show you how bad I can be... but that means showing you the ENTIRE contents and stuff that happens and you actually see a different side of me... I do have a bad side... some people have seen me in my "I don't give a F" moment and they actually say that it kinda scares them... because they never see me like it... and I am really different because they see me as this all loving person who does not really talk about people... but when I am in that mood crap goes down... My whole output changes, Sofia said that she liked this new me because I began to let the bad stuff not bother me... but what I noticed being one of the negatives of it is that I can hurt people in the midst of it... and as well as that I noticed I get angry easily... over small things as well... but I try to keep a cool head but I do sometimes flip and I have not flipped on someone yet... but I know at some point I will IF in the wrong situation... I was hoping there would be a party cause I was going to flip no matter what at someone... I could tell I was... cause she was going to be there and I knew she was going to say some words to me and try to apologise for not speaking to me... but I would have flipped at her but if I did... then that would possibly cost me my job :| only because she is my bosses daughter :D

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14,635

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 10:36pm

You see my bad angry side is quiet and has the appearance of calm. Most people stop listening and shut down when they are shouted at, if you really want to get at someone you have to be quiet but firm. Get a harpoon though the heart and pull. (It also works well on the ladies if you're not shouty ;) )
Heathen

14,636

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 11:10pm

OH! I am not shouty... I am loud but happy loud... I just swear a lot and say stuff I never really say to people... but I have different sides for different moods :D but that is natural... I picked up on them for instance:

Sad - not really talkative and don't look at the people who mean something to me because I don't want them to worry about me... but I would like them to still carry on the way they are... but I know they won't, and so I look away so they don't worry about me, but I know they will

Happy - I talk a bit and am more smiley and a bit more active and mess about a bit, people like me in this mood but this is what I would say is a drop of my bigger moods and I speak about sex a lot or just very sexual in particular :D

Hyper - I am really talkative (i.e now) want to talk no matter what, very active, jumpy and stuff and want to get everything done :D I also VERY smiley and mess about a lot... if a girl asks me to hug her... I will, kiss her, yes... Someone has found that out XD They told me to kiss their finger and I did... then she told me to kiss her elbow and I did 2 times and she told me to kiss her again and I did XD but if I was happy then I would not have done it. but I am very sexual in this mood

I don't give a F - I am more open about things, I say my thoughts and feelings about stuff because I don't care, THIS is normally not the best stage to annoy me cause you will get some sort of harsh comments thrown back :D I also get angry easily and because I don't really care it can sometimes make me hurt people... I also am happy during this time and don't let things bother me, if something is wrong I am not bothered :)

Upset - I only ever get to this stage if I am either very drunk or if I am really really sad... In this stage I can vary depending on my state... if I am drunk I open up a lot but the negative stuff from people to me... so how I felt at that time, not what I thought of them in the negative way... I also tell people about some personal stuff and in both moods I can hurt myself, when I am drunk I always come back with some sort of injury and it is mainly found on my knuckles that is why the skin on my right hands knuckles is a bit weird to my left... my right is a bit red with faint white areas for the scar tissue and also there are more little blood veins visible but this mood is one mood I like because it makes me feel closer to people because I can tell them stuff... but I want to be drunk around 1 person because I want to tell her stuff... and I am hoping she understands and will try to help me... cause I am going to tell her :(

Normal - My normal mood is mainly known to me... it is the more calm type... I normally in this mood when I am alone or busy... my friends don't see me in this mood and can sometimes show (as I have noticed) a start to one of my low moods... cause I begin to think more and look at things and then it can hurt me and send me to a sad mood... but all in all... I prefer my up moods and my upset mood WHEN I AM DRUNK!

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14,637

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 11:24pm

I've got two moods

Normal: quiet, secretive, stubborn

Drunk: the exact opposite
Heathen

14,638

Sunday, August 17th 2014, 11:43pm

ha ha ha :D I got a lot of moods... from which I noticed :D

Happy
Sad
Upset
Angry
Don't Give A F (DGAF)
Hyper
Normal - (The thing is though I can't exactly call it my normal mood when it is not my normal mood... my normal is happy)

Tired - In this mood I am more slow with things, it is sort of similar to my sad mood but differs by the fact I don't feel sad in most cases I am just out of it... In this mood I can be quick to anger or I keep a calm head but I have angry thoughts towards things (such as waking up in the morning for work and you know you are going to be late and everything slows you down so you have angry thoughts towards them... without being angry :D) but during this mood I phase in and out and think a bit... normally like this stage during night because I can think over my problems and understand things :D but then I can't get to sleep

Paranoid - normally a stage before a sad or down mood (both the same but down mood sounds better :)) it is what it is... I am paranoid, I begin to look more at my surroundings and less on conversation to me... I focus on other conversations and a lot more from which I may miss... I am always aware anyway but in my paranoia mood I feel a bit more aware of things... I talk less and keep a straight face and sometimes forget what is going on... I am constantly paranoid of peoples thoughts and opinions of me but when I am paranoid then it really gets me... which is why I fall to a down mood... because I over think the thoughts

Sexual :evilgrin: - Well this falls into my other moods but it is a mood seen with girls... I don't know if I can call it a mood :S cause I don't have it often... I only get sexual moments in other moods but my Sexual mood is when I am sexual... FEW have seen it and I think only 3-4 people have witnessed it... 2 from primary 1 from Secondary and 1 from College... or two from college if you want to count the ones who may know of it... but some DO know I have a sexual mood and I am flirtatious, talk dirty, do things she tells me i.e kiss her etc etc... I open up to her and of course... the whole sexual conversation... I know this will in time be a mood enhance when I am drunk :D but I think after the party when I tell this girl about my problems... this mood will happen :) and I kinda hope it does ;)

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14,639

Monday, August 18th 2014, 4:27am

I gotta wonder so many things


I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
:xeno: :xeno: :xeno:


Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.


Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you

14,640

Monday, August 18th 2014, 4:47am

My top 10 moods -

DGAF
Angry
annoyed
neutral/ streaming
inebriated
determined
sexual
sleepy (but can't sleep)
bamboozled
hyper/happy

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