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Your Ikariam Team

  • What did the dying man say to his son?
    Nothing! he died.
    Leader of UE Psi Retired Undefeated

    Leader of ELITE Apollon Retired Undefeated

    Former member of N-F but now in TMM, Rho.

    Member and sometimes Saxy General of _UE_, Demeters

    Allianceless in Pi.

    BLACK in Gaia.

    Leader of -W- in Hades

    Democratically Elected Chairman of Men Power Council (MPC) in spam section.

    The shit has sailed already!
  • What the teachers never tell us:

    H.O.M.E.W.O.R.K =

    Half
    Of
    My
    Energy
    Wasted
    On
    Random
    Knowledge


    You don't need to tell me I'm W.E.I.R.D

    Wonderful
    Exciting
    Interesting
    Real
    Different

    CHALLENGE

    Only, and I mean ONLY a genius can say these four words four times really quickly without getting tongue twisted:

    Eye, Yam, Stew, Peed


    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

    The post was edited 1 time, last by Draco and Solon ().

  • Everyone Knows Dave

    So Dave and his boss are talking one day, when Dave says, "Everyone knows me, boss."
    Seeking to disprove that, the boss says, "Okay then. What about Tom Cruise?"
    "Sure," says Dave. After a quick call the two of them get on a jet plane, land and land in Cruise's backyard.
    Upon seeing the two, Tom comes up and says, "Hey, Dave, it's been a while. You want to see previews of my next movie?"
    A little miffed the boss says, "Okay so you know Tom Cruise, but what about Oprah Winfrey?"
    Asking borrowing Cruise's jet, the duo promptly arrives at the OWN studios, walks on the set, and after Oprah spots them she says, "Hey, Dave. I was just about to get started. Did you want to cohost with me?"
    "So you do know Oprah," the boss says, "but what about Pope Francis?"
    After a short flight on Oprah's private jet to The Vatican, they come to a large congregation. When it seems there's no hope they'll get to the front, Dave says to his boss, "Why don't you wait here? I'll just go talk to one of the Swiss Guards."
    Sure enough, a few minutes later Dave appears on the balcony with Pope Francis, but as he looks out he sees his boss faint. Rushing down, he arrives just as his boss wakes up and asks, "Hey, boss, what happened just now?"
    "Well," says the boss, "I've been barely holding it all day, but you know what the last straw was? When one of the Swiss guards asked me if I knew who that guy on the balcony was with Dave."


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • Nuns are tough

    A 5th grader was always causing trouble in school, so his parents decided to put him in Catholic school. At the end of his first day, they asked the nun about his behavior, and she said he was a perfect student.

    When they got home, they asked him why he was so different in this school. He said, " after I saw what they did to that guy on the wall in front of the class, I knew they weren't fooling around!"


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • The Blue Brick

    So Johnny's walking down the sidewalk when he sees a couple guys standing in a field.
    The first guy picks up a red brick and throws it fifty yards. Pretty good distance for a brick.
    The second guy picks up a yellow brick and throws it one hundred yards. Pretty good distance for a brick.
    So Johnny waltzes up to them, picks up a blue brick, throws it up into the sky, and it doesn't come down.


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • I don't think that word means what you think it means.

    Darryl works the local bar.
    One night a red-headed freckled bloke comes in and says, "I'll take two beers, bartender."
    While Darryl thinks it's a bit odd the man ordered two beers straightaways instead of ordering one, drinking it, and then getting the second, he fills out the order. The man drinks them both and leaves. This happens the next night two and continues on for three weeks.
    One night the man comes in, orders his two beers, and Darryl asks, "You know, I've been wondering for a while why you come in and get two beers right away instead of getting one, drinking it, and then getting the second one."
    So the man reclines on his barstool and replies, "Aye, laddy, it's to remind me of my times with my brother back in the old country of Ireland. Each night he and I would go to the bar and get a beer so I get the two to remind me of that."
    This satisfies Darryl and the pattern continues on for a while longer until one night the man only orders one beer. Thinking something happened, Darryl asks, "I'm so used to you ordering two beers right away. Did something happen to your brother? Is he alright?"
    "Don't you worry," replies the man, "my brother is quite alright. The reason I'm only ordering one beer tonight however is that I've quite drinking."


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • Spending Cuts Hurt

    Tommy is a new recruit to the army. On the first day of training the drill sergeant gives out equipment. The first thing he gives out are rifles and as he's going down line he's saying, "Here's a rifle for you. Here's a rifle for you. Here's a rifle for you. Hello, Tommy, here's a rif-- oops. Uh sorry, Tommy, it seems I don't have a rifle to give you. Spending cuts, heh? So how about this. When the enemy comes towards you, just act like you're holding a rifle and say BANG BANG."
    A little ticked, Tommy shrugs it off and just accepts he won't have a rifle. The next item to give out is a grenade. As the drill sergeant goes down the line he says, "Here's a grenade for you. Here's a grenade for you. Here's a grenade for you. Hello, Tommy, here's a grena-- oops. Uh sorry, Tommy, it doesn't seem like I have a grenade for you either. Spending cuts, heh? So how about this. When the enemy comes towards you, just make a throwing motion and say BOOM BOOM."
    Tommy's still ticked, but shrugs it off and just accepts he won't have a grenade either. The final item to give out is a knife. The drill sergeant goes down the line and says, "Here's a knife for you. Here's a knife for you. Here's a knife for you. Hello, Tommy, here's a-- you know what? Maybe today just isn't your day. So how about this. When the enemy comes towards you, just make a stabbing motion and say STAB STAB."

    A little while later Tommy gets deployed and in the thick of a battle. As his buddies die around him, he sees an enemy coming from far off so he acts like he's holding a rifle and shouts, "BANG BANG!"
    Amazingly the man drops down dead. A little while later he sees a group of soldiers heading at him so he makes the throwing motion and shouts, "BOOM BOOM!"
    The men go flying to Tommy's amazement. Turning around from that he realizes a guy is on top of him so he make a stabbing motion and shouts, "STAB STAB!"
    Down goes the man.

    Finally, Tommy sees a man slowly walking towards his foxhole.
    "BANG BANG!" he says, but the man keeps walking.
    "BOOM BOOM!" he says, no effect.
    Now the guy is almost on top of him so he says, "STAB STAB!" but still the guy keeps marching and crushes Tommy underfoot.

    A moment later, the man says, "TANKITTY TANK TANK!"


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • Tune in for Part II

    Boris is big-time company executive. On a business trip from Denver to Boston, he books a first class plane ticket. Wearing a nice suit coat and puffing a Cuban cigar he boards the plane and next to him is an old lady with a parrot. As the flight takes off the parrot nags Boris by saying, "You shouldn't be smoking on a plane." This continues.
    "Smoking is bad for you."
    "You'll give the flight attendants asthma."
    "It smells horrible."
    "You may think you're cool, but you're not."
    Finally Boris is so fed up with the parrot that he turns to the woman and says, "Lady, would you shut that parrot up!"
    The little old lady turns to him and says, "Well I don't like your cigar either but I have been meaning to get rid of the parrot for a while. How about if you throw the cigar out the window, I'll throw my parrot out the window."
    The two agree and proceed to throw their respective items out the window. (Security on this plane was TERRIBLE.)
    Anyways, it's almost the end of the flight when they start to hear a tapping sound coming from the window. Both of them curious, they look out to see it's the parrot, WITH THE BLUE BRICK!


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • A doctor is talking with his patient with his patient.

    Patient: What's the news, doc?

    Doctor: It's not good. You're gonna die in 10

    Patient: Ten what? Hours? Days? Weeks?

    Doctor: ..6...5...4...


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • The Cowpocaplypse!

    What do you call a cow with three legs?
    Tri-tip.

    What do you call a cow with two legs?
    Lean meat.

    What do you call a cow with one leg?
    Stake.

    What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground beef.

    What do you call a cow that tried to jump over a barbed wire fence?
    Udder destruction.

    Cows are really susceptible to scams and really get milked for all they're worth.

    When cows want entertainment, they go to the mooooovies.

    A cow's favorite drug is grass.

    One cow tried to lie about not defecating. The other called him on his BS.

    Did you know there a cow at the Round Table?
    His name was Sir Loin.

    What's it called when a cow operates a car?
    A cattle drive.

    And you know what their favorite car company is, right?
    Cattlelac!

    With all those cow jokes, I hope you've had a laughing stock.

    ba-dum-ching


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • Three men decide to go dining at a fancy restaurant. Before they order the waiter says, "And if the chef can't make what you want, we'll give you $500. But if you can, you'll pay full price."

    The first guy decides to order Denuske watermelon. A few minutes later the waiter comes out with the order and says, "That'll be $6100, you uninventive plebian."

    Figuring he'll be the one to stump the chef, the second man orders giant squid calamari. A few minutes later the waiter comes out with the order and says, "That'll be $6885, you ill-cultured dolt."

    Now the third guy feels the pressure so he orders elephant ears on rye. A few minutes later the chef comes out, slams $500 on the table and says, "But I'll have you know this is the FIRST time I've ever been out of rye!"


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • I've quite drinking = I've quit drinking alcohol

    So he's ordering just one beer because he's quit drinking... but will still be having the brother beer...


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you