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  • i read a piece of fiction by some non-professional where an american kid teased a british kid for saying "sh*te" in stead of "sh*t" so i thought it was the same joke here
    ( i'm aware that the letter "e" in "sh*te" only indicates that the word is pronouned with a strong british accents, but not making the /i/ sound become the /ai/ sound like the letter "e" in "quite" does)
    cursed are those who spam
  • Confucius is Wise Part I

    Confucius say he who runs in front of car gets tired.

    Confucius say he who runs in back of car gets exhausted.

    Confucius say he who goes to bed with itchy butt wakes up with smelly finger.

    Confucius say he who make mistake in elevator is wrong on many levels.

    Confucius say he who wants hot nurse must be patient.

    Confucius say he who stands on toilet is high on pot.

    Confucius says he who farts while camping gets own tent.

    Confucius say he who lives in glass house should change in basement.

    Confucius say he who slings mud loses ground.


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • If you had faith the size of a mustard seed

    A Native American chief and a priest decide to go fishing together. Getting a boat, they put some nets in the water and head into the lake. While on the lake, the chief notices a fish caught in the net so he gets up, gets out of the boat, walks over to the fish, and brings it back. The priest is surprised but doesn't say anything.

    A while later the chief notices another fish in the net so again he gets up, gets out of the boat, walks over to the fish, and brings it back. Once more the priest is surprised but still says nothing. This happens a few more times.

    As the sky starts getting dark, the priest notices a fish in the net and thinks to himself, The chief has been going out and getting the fish all day. If he could do it, surely I, a priest, can do it too.

    So the priest gets up, gets out of the boat, and starts sinking into the water. As the chief helps him back into the boat he says, "After seeing you walk on the water all day, I thought that surely I could do it too. But now I am truly humbled to be in the presence of one with more faith than I."

    The chief replies, "Father, it is not so much a matter of faith as it is knowing where the rocks are."


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • Cannibals Part I

    Two cannibals are eating a clown when one asks the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

    Why don't cannibals eat rich kids?
    Because they're all spoiled.

    Eating a cannibal restaurant costs and arm and a leg.

    When cannibals arrive late to a meal, they get the cold shoulder.

    Why do cannibals without silverware like hands?
    It's finger food.

    Why are there few children in cannibal societies?
    Because grandparents could just eat them up.

    Why was the cannibal child never allowed with the other children on the block?
    So that he didn't play with his food.

    What's a cannibal's favorite shampoo?
    Head and Shoulders.


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • Prepare for battle!

    The captain of a pirate ship is looking through his spyglass when he sees a ship on the horizon. As he looks, he sees it's an imperial ship of the line. Knowing his little ship cannot take the ship of the line, he orders the crew to chart a course away from the ship. As they begin to tack into the wind, the captain feels a great thudding and after a quick examination, it's seen that the ship hit a rock and isn't going anywhere. As he looks through the spyglass again, he sees the ship of the line is coming towards their ship slowly but surely.

    Realizing the gravity of the situation, the captain says to the first mate, "Get me my red coat."
    A few minutes pass and the first mate comes back with the red coat. Curious, he asks, "Why did you want the red coat anyways?"
    "Well," says the captain, "we will be in a tough fight and I don't want the men to lose heart by seeing their captain bleed. So the red coat helps hide my blood."
    Thinking it's very wise, the first mate walks away.

    Later the captain looks through his spyglass once more and sees a second ship of the line has appeared on the horizon, also heading towards them. Turning to the first mate he says, "Get me my glasses."
    A few minutes pass and the first mate comes back with the glasses. Curious, he asks, "Why did you want the glasses anyways?"
    "Well," says the captain, "our situation is getting tougher and I don't want the men to lose heart by seeing their captain cry. So the glasses help hide my tears."
    Thinking it's very wise, the first mate walks away again.

    Later the captain looks through the spyglass once more and sees a whole armada on the horizon heading towards them. Turning to the first mate he says, "Get me my brown pants..."


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • Beans, Beans, The Magical Fruit

    In the wild west an old Indian chief is sitting in his teepee when he calls a young brave to him and says, "For three suns and moons I have not pooped. Go across the river and ask the doctor what to do."
    The brave heads across the river, finds the doctor and tells him, "Big chief. No fart."
    The doctor thinks for a second and says, "Give him a can of beans."
    So the brave returns to the chief and gives him a can of beans, but it has no effect. So again he goes to the doctor and says, "Big chief. No fart."
    The doctor thinks for a second and says, "Give him two cans of beans."
    So the brave returns to the chief and gives him two cans of beans, but they still has no effect. So again he goes to the doctor and says, "Big chief. No fart."
    The doctor thinks for a second and says, "Give him five cans of beans."
    So the brave returns to the chief and gives him five cans of beans, but they still has no effect. So again he goes to the doctor and says, "Big chief. No fart."
    The doctor thinks for a second and says, "Give him ten cans of beans."
    So the brave returns to the chief and gives him ten cans of beans, but they still has no effect. So again he goes to the doctor and says, "Big chief. No fart."
    Now by this point, the doctor is starting to get fed up with the whole situation because he has no idea why the beans aren't working. So in a fit of rage he says, "One can didn't work. Two cans didn't work. Five and ten didn't work. Let's just give him one hundred cans of beans."
    So the brave returns to the chief. After a while the doctor sees the brave heading towards him again when he hears, "Big fart. No chief."


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • The World's Oldest Profession

    Three men are sitting on a bench discussing the world's oldest profession.
    The first guy is a doctor and says, "Well if you go the book of Genesis and read it, you'll recall that God took one of Adam's ribs and made Eve. That act of surgery makes medicine the world's oldest profession."
    The second guy is a construction worker and says, "No no no. If you go even earlier, you'll recall that God took the chaos and made Heaven and Earth. So that act makes construction the world's oldest profession."
    The third guy is a lawyer and asks, "Where do you think He got the chaos?"


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • Guys and Wives

    Three men are talking when day when they all come to an agreement that their wives are lazy and leeching off of their hard work and that should make their wives do more.

    The first guy goes home and says, "Wife, I ain't gonna take any more of this laziness. You are to make me a hot meal every day when I come home."
    The first day he doesn't see much.
    The second day he still doesn't see much.
    But by the third day there's a hot meal when he comes home every day.

    The second guy goes home and says, "Wife, I ain't gonna take any more of this laziness. You are to make me a hot meal and clean the house every day when I come home."
    The first day he doesn't see much.
    The second day he still doesn't see much.
    But by the third day there's a hot meal and the house is clean when he comes home every day.

    The third goes home and says, "Wife, I ain't gonna take any more of this laziness. You are to make me a hot meal, clean the house, mow the lawn, do the laundry, wash the kids, wax the car, and do the dishes every day when I come home."
    The first day he doesn't see much.
    The second day he still doesn't see much.
    But by the third day the swelling had gone down enough in his right eye that he could squint a little to read the divorce papers.


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you

    The post was edited 1 time, last by Kaleg Nar ().

  • It's all in the name

    An Indian chief is sitting in his teepee when one of his sons comes up to him and asks, "Hey, Dad, how did you name my brother?"
    The chief replies, "When your mother birthed him I looked out the teepee and saw an eagle soaring in the sky so I named him Soaring Eagle."
    So the boy asks, "And how did you name my sister?"
    "Well," says the chief, "when you mother birthed her I looked out the teepee and saw a deer bounding through the forest so I called her Running Deer. Why do you ask this, Pooping Dog?"


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • Lighten the load!

    Three men are on a plane when it starts sputtering. The captain comes out and says they need to lessen the weight of the plane to make it to the runway alive. The first guy throws a bowling ball out the window. The second guy throws a coconut out the window. And the third guy throws a bomb out the window. (Airport security was horrible where they lived.)
    So as they're walking down the runway after landing they come across a crying boy and ask what's wrong. The boy, sniffling as he speaks says, "I was just playing with my friends when a bowling ball fell out of the sky and hit my toe. It hurts."
    Then as they're walking down, they find a second boy half crying and half laughing and ask why he's doing that. The boy, crying and chuckling as he speaks says, "It's very sad. A coconut fell out of the sky, hit my grandma on the head, and now she's dead. I'm so sad but I can't help laugh a bit. A coconut?"
    Finally they find a third boy who's just on the ground with uncontrollable laughter and they ask why he's laughing. Through the chuckles he says, "My dad farted and the house blew up!"


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you

    The post was edited 1 time, last by Kaleg Nar ().

  • Confucius is wise Part II

    Confucius say he who puts head to railroad track gets splitting headache.

    Confucius say he who eats many prunes gets good run for money.

    Confucius say marriage like poker. Start with pair, end with full house.

    Confucius say he who eats photo of dad is soon spitting image of father.

    Confucius say he who falls in molten glass make spectacle of self.

    Confucius say he who drops piano down mineshaft get tune of A flat miner.

    Confucius say shotgun wedding is matter of wife or death.

    Confucius say he who robs shoe store, is arch criminal.


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you
  • A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St.Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

    St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

    "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

    "Where's Obama's clock?" asked the man.

    "Obama's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
  • Skar82 wrote:

    A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St.Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"



    St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."



    "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."



    "Where's Obama's clock?" asked the man.



    "Obama's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

    That's funny; could have been the HRC too, though. :D
  • The German Chancellor, Merkel, is on a trip to Greece. At customs they have the following conversation.

    Customs Agent (CA): Country of origin?
    Merkel: Germany
    CA: Pleasure or business?
    Merkel: Business
    CA: Occupation?
    Merkel: Nah, just here for a few days.


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


    How do you know when an Irish man finds something amusing?
    When he's Dublin over in laughter.


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Quebec!
    Quebec who?
    "Quebec to the end of the line!"


    I don't play any servers anymore, I'm just here for the spam and
    :xeno: :xeno: :xeno:




    badidol wrote:

    Dammit, this thing dies darned slowly.




    badidol wrote:

    Go and check the permissions the Facebook app wants, I dare you